I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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