shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Someone signed my nipple.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
