dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I wear drunk well.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
