I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
