what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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