Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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