I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
