I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Hippo gnu deer
i drank out of a bidet.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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