Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
