how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
