Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
