Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
