I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
