tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
