Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
