I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
