Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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