omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
