I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
