You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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