yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
