i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize