I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize