You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
