never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
