so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
