am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
