Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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