I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
