Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize