I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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