life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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