I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
