so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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