Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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