Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
