lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
