Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
