She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
