you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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