I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
