I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
