you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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