i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
