i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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