May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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