franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
These tits shall not be calmed
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