Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
