so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
