Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
