I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
