My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
