That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
