dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
