From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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