I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
And then my night got REAL pukey
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
