I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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