You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize