this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
