it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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