i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
