May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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