you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
