gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
